Every so often it occurs to me that perhaps I'm incapable of making myself vulnerable, of falling in love, that I'm so selfish that I'd be unwilling to lose myself to somebody else. And like two seconds later I talk to somebody nice and impressive in a random context, and every part of my being warms up, it's like the universe of possibilities opens up all of a sudden and I realize naaah, not falling in love, not making myself is not one of the issues I currently face. It may be related to other stuff, but if anything my issue might be that I fall in love far too often, far too readily, eagerly and excitedly to lead one to a productive outcome.
There's this person I encountered at work, and they have the sort of eyes I imagine angels would have, because they're multi-colored and uhhh I don't know there's something ethereal about them and their existence. In the past I've noticed such feelings usually mean the object of my attention is iron-deficient, but who knows that's maybe our understanding of angels is, who's not to say they're NOT lacking in ferric compounds? And they're the most intensely committed to work person, so much so that it precludes my understanding and comprehension. As if they're from another world. I think of these things, and should something happen between the two parties, it's this sort of stuff that comes and spoils things up. "I don't even know who you are, how the hell can anybody be SOOO committed to work at the cost of everything ELSE" "Go away you slacker ugh, I thought you were being ironic", etc.
As they say, no good deed goes unpunished, no positive observation goes without boomeranging bad in an awful way.
Things are on the up-and-up despite and because of everything. Oh what a journey it's been!
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