Why was I not sent to heaven and other questions you might ask as a recently-dead

Why was I not sent to heaven? I really did do everything possible to not meet this fate!

Yes, thank you for the concern, we want to assure you that your comfort and well-being is our highest priority. We can assure you that your list of good deeds is impressive, and you definitely clearly did everything within your means to be a good, religious, rule-following person, no doubt. Unfortunately, due to a technical issue, namely you mispronounced the name and mantra of the great lord of death multiple times when you were thirteen, your only fate is to be in heaven for the foreseeable future. We understand how it must make you feel, but such are the rules, and it is beyond our ability to interfere with them.

What sort of amenities can I expect in Yamalok? Is it really as bad as people say it is?

Thank you for the forthright question! Many people coming through here are embarrassed about asking basic questions, and thereon suffer through a rather...mismatch of expectations, which degrades their experience in YamaLok substantially.

To get back to your question, we have been unable to keep up with the popular representation of YamaLok and are therefore unable to address to your exact concerns. Having said that we can certainly provide you with an overview that will help you adjust expectations. Here at YamLok, your stay will be of decently-long eternity, unless you are called specially by other gods, or higher deities. Your experience will also depend on how you act here, it will be better if you act decently here and worse if you don't. There's no hunger here, there is no need of food. Some humans consider it a torture because they're unable to experience the joys of eating and tasting, but some really enjoy this part of their existence. You will not be tortured constantly over stake or burning fire as has been popularized in media, but you will likely meet such punishments if your actions on Earth were particularly...objectionable. You can freely visit friends and family here, those gone long by and those recently departed. We have been informed that it is considered a torture my many-a-human these days, but that is unintentional on our part. If you so choose to, you can participate in administrative duties and help out voluntarily as well. While life in YamaLok is not a vacation for sure, we hope to make it as tolerable as possible, particularly for an underserving individual like yourself!